An Ode on the Stupidity of Americans

Here's a picture from a distance. Notice that MONSTERPIG doesn't look quite the monster in this picture as in the next few.

Here, they're pictured behind the pig. Notice that in this picture, the pig doesn't look as big as in the next two pictures.

Notice that dad and pig are both BEHIND the pig. See how monster pig has suddenly gotten a lot longer now? It's also not as thick as in the next photo. If you turned the kid sideways, his shoulders would be even with the shoulders of the pig (in other words, when the pig stood up, his shoulders would be just as high as the kid's shoulders. You can try it for yourself with a ruler). Also, how can you track hunt a pig in shorts and a polo shirt? Christ, there's too much wrong with that

Alright...notice a couple of things. This is the photo that's being circulated the most on the internet. Look how much thicker the pig is here than in the preceding photo. Also, if you took the pig as it appears and stood him up on his four legs, then this pig would actually be taller than the kid. I know that the kid is kneeling, but if you consider the height of the kid as he appears in this photo compared to the hog in this photo, a standing pig of this size would be taller than the kid. Since the hog in the preceding picture is an estimated 10'7" and we know that his shoulder height is approximately 4.5', that gives us a ratio of height to length of 1:2.5. The hog pictured in the bottom photo would have stood at 5'5" and would have been nearly 13 feet long.

If you look at the picture of the animal being hoisted by the tractor at the top, the animal is nowhere near being 13 feet long, or 10'7" long. The guy in the tractor has to be close to 6', and he's in the BACKGROUND of the picture, making him smaller in appearance, and if you do a little measurement with a ruler you can figure out the pig is nowhere close to 10' in length.

Ah, how often we demonstrate our abject stupidity as Americans. Far too many people believe in this Hogshit legend. No doubt it's big, but it ain't a half ton animal and it's not the size of Shaquille O'Neil. Here's a critical thinking exercise for you to try.

Look at the pictures again. If this is, indeed, a world record and these people were such little shutterbugs, what picture is mysteriously missing?

How did they know it was 1,050? Apparently, they weighed it somewhere.

Have you come up with the missing link yet? Well, if you're a complete dullard, here's the final question (and an answer, of sorts) to our exercise:

WHERE THE FUCK ARE THE PICTURES OF THE SCALE? WHERE'S THE SCALE? WHERE'S THE NUMBER 1,050 POUNDS FOUND AT, WHO DID IT, WHERE WAS IT RECORDED, AND WHY WASN'T THIS "TROPHY" PARADED AROUND DULL-AS-DOGSHIT ALABAMA TO SPREAD THE LEGEND AND HAVE PLENTY OF WITNESSES TO CONFIRM THE MAGNIFICENT SIZE OF THIS BEAST?

Thanks for playing. We have a lovely home version of our show for you to take back with you.